Dad jokes

[muwarrior69]

What's the scariest plant in the forest?
Bam-BOO!

Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they're good at it.

Why do elephants have wrinkled knees?
From climbing trees.

[Lennys Tap]

How many ND alum does it take to change a lightbulb?    One.   They hold it in place and the world revolves around them.

Different take:Q - How many Domers does it take to change a lightbulb? A - 30 - 1 to change it, 29 to reminisce about what a wonderful experience it was.

[StillAWarrior]

How many ND alum does it take to change a lightbulb?    One.   They hold it in place and the world revolves around them.

How can you tell someone is an ND alum? Don't worry, they'll mention it.

[tower912]

How can you tell someone is an ND alum? Don't worry, they'll mention it.

How can you tell if someone is a vegan?  No need, they'll tell you.

[StillAWarrior]

How can you tell if someone is a vegan?  No need, they'll tell you.

And tell you...and tell you...ad infinitum.

[tower912]

How did Darth Vader know what Luke.got him for Christmas?


He could feel his presence.

[tower912]

Hey, about those recent attacks by killer whales on boats.....

Do you think they were orca-strated?

[tower912]

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/0428ajVo9-E

[tower912]

I decided to marry two women.

I thought it was pretty big o' me.

[Scoop Snoop]

So, a dyslexic man walks into a bra....

[Dickthedribbler]

So, a dyslexic man walks into a bra....

Was that the same dyslexic atheist who didn't believe in dog?

[muwarrior69]

Was that the same dyslexic atheist who didn't believe in dog?

No, but he did name his dog OTTO and his favorite rock band is ABBA.

[Scoop Snoop]

No, but he did name his dog OTTO and his favorite rock band is ABBA.

So. three termites walk into a bar and one of them asks "Is the bartender here?"

[Dickthedribbler]

So. three termites walk into a bar and one of them asks "Is the bartender here?"

So, a tough looking pair of jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says: "alright, I'll serve you guys. Just don't start anything."

[Scoop Snoop]

So, these three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. THAT can't be a coincidence.

[tower912]

I learned how to sew buttons on and I can sew up a seam.   But I never learned how to sew socks, darn it!

[Scoop Snoop]

I learned how to sew buttons on and I can sew up a seam.   But I never learned how to sew socks, darn it!

So?

[tower912]

Cooking show host to contestant, 'aren't you worried about only being known for your.creamy sauces?'


No.  I am no al fredo that.




The giant goldfish are usually more social than this.   They must be feeling coy.

[tower912]

How is Hurricane Lee hitting New England like the latest Star Wars offering from Disney?


It is Ahsoka.

[tower912]

There was a lot of debate, discussion, and arguing when, deep in the mine, they found a vein of rock that, when refined, became an old school anesthetic.



It was an ether ore question.

[tower912]

An anonymous benefactor has been putting autumnal blossoms out all over the neighborhood.   We'll, somebody knows who is doing this but they're not talking.

Mums the word.

[Lennys Tap]

A dead man's soul ascends into heaven. St Peter is at the gates to confirm that the deceased has led an exemplary life.

St Peter: "Your reward awaits - a special place in heaven has been prepared for you! By the way, where did you live while on earth?

Dead Man: "Naples, Florida"

St Peter: "Er, um, I'm not so sure you're gonna like it here"

[Lennys Tap]

A singer/guitar player is entertaining a crowd at an outdoor cafe. After playing a request, he asks the customer "Where are you from?" "Naples", replies the customer. "Ah, Naples" say the singer. "That's where old people's parents live!"

[tower912]

Who was the first person to download from the cloud using a tablet?




Moses.

[tower912]

Why is everyone always so excited on Christmas morning?


Because there is no time like the present.